You can’t have a healthy relationship unless you know what one is. It’s often said that everything dates back to our childhood. To find the key to relationships, look at your relationships with your parents. At any rate, that is a deeply-held belief of Anne-France Huret, a psychologist who specialises in couple and family therapy.
As a therapist, she takes the view that the romantic setbacks we encounter are not random; or, rather, that toxic relationships are the result of destructive relationships with our parents. Of course we don’t all react in the same way to the traumas that we have been exposed to in the past, and different people experience their impact on their lives in different ways. However very often, unless or until we have carried out some work on ourselves, we are bound to carry on unconsciously going along the same well-worn paths, and paying for it.
How can we make things better?
Often, patients are not aware that their behaviour is linked to their past. A psychologist can help bring this realisation about, enabling the patient to shed feelings of guilt, to put their emotional past to rest, and to put more positive patterns in place.
Breaking out of negative emotional patterns: Anne-France Huret’s advice
The first step on the path to a healthy future is to carry out a lifesaving personal review. Why do you seem to be a magnet for the same types? If you find it hard to be objective about this, maybe you should get help? A therapist will help shed light on any mistaken beliefs inherent in the way you see love and relationships. You will learn to deal with them, and then to get rid of them and get ready for a smoother romantic future. Expect to do some work on your self-esteem, because better self-esteem will let you face your fears about positive change. To lay your emotional past to rest, you will have to forgive your family and, even more, yourself. Don’t hesitate to state your problems in words, either spoken or written. The simple fact of sharing them will diminish them.
Let’s finish on a positive note. In most cases, a romantic setback can easily be got over, but the best way to tackle it is to get a real understanding of the problem, and it isn’t always easy to get a handle on it on your own.