An intense love turns bad, a relationship which could potentially have worked falls apart, your partner decides to leave you …. whatever the reason for your broken heart, it’s never an easy thing. The expression is depressing enough in itself! You think you’re never going to get over it, and you get yourself into all sorts of states – depression, despair, isolation, flight, etc. People react in many different ways, but we’re all going to experience a separation at some point in our lives. Yes, all of us! It would be good to live a separate life and free ourselves of the illusion of eternal love.

Withdrawal from a deliciously addictive relationship

If, after coming out of an unsatisfactory relationship, you find yourself feeling bereaved, it’s highly likely that you’re suffering from a neurotic attachment. If not, why would you want a person who hurt you? It’s also possible for pain to lead to feelings of rejection. (S)he doesn’t want me any more? You feel responsible, you put yourself down, and you get locked into hundreds of interpretations. Look around you or in your own past for examples of “great loves” which now seem pointless or even a little grim. So, people survive this sort of thing? Then it’s not the end of the world. No question about it.

Every romantic relationship goes through its stages and its crises, but whatever the difficult situation or circumstance, breaking up is not necessarily a calamity. On the contrary, the best solution to a destructive relationship is a separation. There are other ways to live, and other possible relationships. The big thing is to look for happiness rather than looking for a relationship. When splitting up puts the brakes on a toxic love affair, you shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself. It’s really more of an opportunity to take stock of your own contribution to the break-up, and to the imbalance within the relationship. This should let you identify what it is you want in a relationship, and to make a more informed choice in future.

Free yourself from your illusions

One stage in this difficult period consists of waiting desperately for a reconciliation. Your partner must be going to regret it and come back to you! However, hanging onto this hope just delays your recovery. It may well happen, but there’s no guarantee that it will fulfil your desire for the perfect relationship.

We also have a tendency to believe that getting over the break-up of a romance is just a question of time. “Time is a great healer”, they’ve always told us. However, a love story is not just an affair of the heart, but also of the mind. If you reprogramme the perception that your subconscious has about this separation, you can speed up the healing process. Usually, heartbreak is a learning experience which tells us a lot about ourselves. A little reflection can help us to understand what’s blocking us and to get our life back on track. This in turn should limit the damage, and allow a new romantic departure (perhaps even with the same partner).

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